I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
