You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
