if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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