Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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