We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
