I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
