I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
