i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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