those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
