Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
