he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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