We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
