it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
