Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
