3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
