I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
