i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
