People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
