I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
