Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
