I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
