Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i would punch a child for taco bell
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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