There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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