You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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