My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
