So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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