I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Randomize
