IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So much rum. So many feels.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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