I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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