i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
