we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We just shotgunned beers for America
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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