I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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