I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
