After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
His nipple licking is glorious
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