you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
