not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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