I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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