your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
