Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
