He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
