Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just high enough for therapy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
