fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
