my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
