Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
