There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
