Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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