I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
