and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
