I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
