i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
