Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
