guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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