no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
