i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
